BLUF (it’s in the Lexicon): Shakedown is COOP Strong. Consumes the Daily Red Pill. Brother has EH’d like a million FNGs. YHC takes his hat off.
First, a history lesson…
Bereshit bara Elohim et hashamayim ve’et ha’aretz.
When in the beginning God created the heavens and the earth, the earth was untamed and shapeless. (God created man to shape it, and gave Men F3 to help other Men shape each other.)
Later that week, a serpent (F3: Salazar) slithered up to his FNG buddy Adam (F3: Steve Jobs) and EH’d him. Both men posted to AO Hothouse, where Salazar encouraged Steve Jobs through his first workout. Turns out it was some lady’s garden, she over-reacted, and they were BLACK MIATA’D (it’s also in the Lexicon, look it up) out of the first AO. “Campos Cerrados,” or in Hebrew סגורים שדשדות
A Few Years Later: Steve Jobs hosts first 2.0 workout. Cain (F3: Brother’s Keeper) and his younger bro’, Abel (F3: Gullible) both invited and both post. Steve Jobs guides FNG sons through workout. Cain posts once, returns to being Sad Clown, F3 name taken away.
753 BC or 1 A.U.C. – Rome founded by two brothers, Romulus and Remus, born of a She-Wolf. Romulus encourages Remus to get his tail out of the Fart-Wolf-Lair and post to F3 Palatine Hill. Romulus staves off fight with local Etruscans by explaining Starfish Model, encourages peace via a rotating Q, and plants shovel flag at AO Capitoline Hill. Etruscans start tradition of riding their donkeys to FNG’s farm, picking up FNG, and guiding each FNG through first workout.
0 AD or 753 AUC – Jesus born (F3: Hey-Zeus). Hey-Zeus’ dad, Joseph (F3: Hands Free) EH’s 3 out of town friends (F3: Manny, Moe, and Jack). Despite the danger, Hands Free posts with FNGs; uses light from the Star in the East to wake self and FNGs. Despite Gloom, star points the way to the time and place of the workout. Tradition of starting on time begins.
1439 AD – Gutenberg (F3: Oral Tradition) invents printing press; creates first written Back Blast. EH’s his boss, Holy Roman Emperor, previously a Sad Clown. And, posts with him.
1908 AD – Kaiser Wilhelm (F3: Cousin Billy) builds Glockenspiel, world’s largest alarm clock, beginning 110 year streak of not a single Munchenlander over-sleeping a workout.
2016 AD – Honey Do EH’s YHC. Appears at YHC’s house at 5:15 a.m., picks up YHC, ensuring YHC’s presence at AO, on-time, emotionally supports YHC through first workout.
This Year: Shakedown, most prolific EH’er of Modern Times, secures like 200 FNG’s. Friends, family, co-workers, dudes he met at cross-fit, etc.
Last night: Shakedown texts 2 FNGs to remind them of today’s workout. “NO EXCUSES” for not posting.
Today, at the AO:
pre-5:31 a.m. to 5:46 a.m. FNG Adam (different guy, same name) drives alone endlessly around the AO in an unmarked white sedan.
5:32 a.m. YHC arrives. Secures AO. Wonders who is in the unmarked white sedan creeping around the AO.
5:37 a.m. YHC: Seriously, who is the dude creeping around in the unmarked white sedan?
5:40 a.m. YHC: Seriously, who is the dude creeping around in the unmarked white sedan?
5:44 a.m. FNG Ed (F3: Lorax, today’s War Daddy) arrives. Asks Q,”Is this where the workout group meets? Do you know Joe Parfitt?”
5:44 a.m. YHC responds,”Joe Parfitt? Oh, Shakedown! Love that guy.”
5:45 a.m. YHC: Seriously, who is the dude creeping around in the unmarked white sedan?
5:46 a.m. FNG Adam (F3 La Fonda) returns (again) in unmarked white sedan. Asks Q,”Is this where the workout group meets? Do you know Joe Parfitt?” Adam runs out of gas.
5:46 a.m. – YHC responds,”Joe Parfitt? Oh, Shakedown! Love that guy.”
5:47 a.m. – 5:59 a.m. – various PAX arrive. Each PAX, upon appearing, utters the same phrase,”What’s going on? This has to be the smallest Dog Pile group we have ever had. Maybe everyone is going to Puppy Pile?”
6:00:01 a.m. – Hardywood and Phonics arrive.
6:00:05 a.m. – Let’s mosey.
Meanwhile, at The Fart Sack – 6:01 a.m. – Shakedown wakes up.
Meanwhile, Back at the AO – 6:02 a.m. – Goldberg arrives.
11 PAX, including 2 FNG’s, having checked the back-up batteries in their alarm clocks, set their alarms, and resisted the lure of the Fartsack, post to the smallest Dog Pile in recent memory.
Mosey to Never Used Grassy Area:
Arm circles, IW’s, SSH’s, LBC’s, Freddie Mercury’s, HRMs
Mosey to Traffic Circle beyond the Carillon for Up-and-Downs
Run down hill, perform LBCs at bottom, run backwards up hill to the traffic circle. 5 rounds.
First round, 1 set of 40
Second round, 2 sets of 20
Third round, 8 sets of 5
Fourth round, 5 sets of 8
Fifth round, 4 sets of 10
Plank for the 6.
Mosey to Great Lawn
Authentic Crab Walk (think “bear crawl, sideways”). Partner Up.
First Round: Each partner individually ACWs across small width of Great Lawn. Q realizes being a crab would be awful.
Second Round: Start at end of GL. Partner 1 runs to center of GL and back. Partner 2 ACWs towards center of GL. When partners meet, partners swap. Continue until team reaches mid-field.
Mosey to corner of Blanton and Park for Burpee Road
3 burpees at each light post. EC: 3 burpees at EVERY post – lamp or no lamp!
Al Gore, or Plank, or just pass out.
Mosey to VITA Trail
10 reverse crunches at every VITA Trail stop. Circle up at south end of trail.
Elevens in the Lake of Pain
LBCs and mercans. Run through the lake.
Mosey back to the Flag
Shakedown (LIFO) appears. 6:59 a.m. counts. Push yourself, don’t hurt yourself.
Quick round of rosalitas.
Number-a-ma, Name-a-ram-a, YHC took us out.
Puppy Pile starts in 3 minutes.
Home Run Derby, Tuesday, Robious Elementary School. PAX appearing at No Toll should bring own tee, balls, and pitching machine.
Look for details on yet another HDHH Going Away Event for Fudd. Every month until the move.
July 4 Convergence, 7:00 a.m. at Tredegar.
BRR…sign up now, start training now.
Great to see a strong showing by FNGs Lorax and La Fonda on a day modest on heat, heavy on humidity. Well done, gentlemen. Hope to see you both again soon.
Hardywood and Phonics crushed the Summer of Stickiness today, making quick work of the backwards run up the hill. Hardywood then invented the Curb Assisted Plank. See him for a demonstration.
YHC’s math skills befuddled some of the PAX today. YHC appreciates the PAX tolerating his sense of humor.
Speaking of math, and all kidding aside, YHC encourages the PAX to take the time to count how many FNGs Shakedown has EH’d this year. Wow. One man EH’ing machine. YHC counts 5 (at least) over YHC’s last 2 Saturday Q’s and at least a few more on other days. Hats off, brother. Apologies for pulling a Canseco (yep, it’s in the Lexicon).
And, thank you to the Sky-Q for another Friday night of heavy rain. YHC loves the Lake (and antibiotics).
UpChuck spits the bit.