Always 70 and Sunny
Always 70 and Sunny

Straddle Me


So many warriors arose in the gloom to greet the dawn of a new day, there were almost too many to count. The parking lot was so full it looked like a cross between a Slayer concert and one of those weird conferences where people dress up like animals and pet each other. Turns out YHC was simply in the wrong parking lot again as Siri had interpreted my destination as “Petty Beaver”. A short drive put me into the correct location at “Bettie Weaver” just in time. 12 warriors arose to greet the dawn of a new day. According to Waldo it went a little something like this.

COP: SSH X 10, Nancy Kerrigan X 20, Knee To Ground X 20, American Hammer X 20, Flutter Kicks X 20, **Urkel Merkins X 20, Arm Circle X 1

BUDDY BEAST: Partner up for six rounds of fun. You know the drill. In each round complete six of a prescribed exercise six times. These are done on the football field at the 25, 50, 75, 75, 50, yard lines. All exercises are to be completed with a partner unless you are a pervert and just like to watch.

  • Round 1 Boo Ya Merkins
  • Round 2 Bosom Buddy Merkins (or plerkins as the prudes call them)
  • Round 3 Wilson Boxing Cockroach
  • Round 4 Leg Toss
  • Round 5 Hi Five Burpees
  • Round 6 Sword Fight

Mosey back to the flag for 20 Hulk Hogan Merkins

Numberama, namerama and what many call the Zsa Zsa Gabor of Bon Air, Dr. Try Hard led us out.

NEWS: Doozy has started a business and answered his calling. His new company, Everyday Handyman gets the everyday jobs off of your honeydo list. Fact, we all have a list of things we’d like to get done, but we are super busy. A much more important fact that no one tells you before you get married; if your wife is distracted by the fact that you haven’t fixed that leaky faucet or replaced the garbage disposal, SHE WON’T THINK ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE until those are completed if you know what I mean…wink wink…honk honk. To be honest, she doesn’t care who does them, she just wants them done. Triple true fact; if you don’t get this taken care of she will continue to fantasize about Chip Gaines or get some one who looks like him to get it done. He’s probably gonna do some crap job because good looking people are only blessed by God in one way. I mean, have you ever seen Julia Roberts fix an alternator? I’m sure that Doozy would even let you take credit for completing the job for a small extra fee. Get help on your list, recommend him to a neighbor and don’t go to sleep tonight without making at least one referral. Ring up your pal Doozy at Everyday Handyman .

F3RVA SHIRTS: Seriously, get your shirt. Dr. Try Hard is starting to sound like an NPR pledge drive. And shirts are so much better than tote bags. Get your very own customized F3RVA shirt here.

2020 F3 RVA WINTER TOUR: YHC was promised not to say anything, but this feels like a safe place….a circle of trust if you will. Oyster isn’t doing so good. He has what doctors like to call “Davillisilicitis” and it’s serious. Symptoms include blurry vision, eying the crowd at family reunions for hotties, weak handshakes and socialism. The only cure is for you to visit each and every AO between now and March 31st. He is fighting hard and doctors say he can make a full recovery, but only with a few prayers and your participation in the F3RVA Winter Tour of 2020

F3 RVA SLACK CHANNEL: Our ginger mensch, Honey Do has set up an F3RVA Slack channel . Stay connected to your brothers or simply get answers to lifes deep questions like; what is my purpose and how does Swirly do merkins so fast? Also, please do not ask for legal advice here. Yesterday some one asked “if I pass gas in the break room and a coworker walks in, is that considered assault?”. Yes, it can still be assault even if it’s funny.

Urkel Merkins: Completed in cadence, start with a hand release merkin. When back in the plank position extend right hand above head, down to left hip, back up to right extension then plank. Hand release merkin then repeat with left hand. Complete as many as you can without laughing. YHC got to 1.

It’s been a helluva week men. Thanks for the laughs and making the effort to come out early.

Hardywood out!


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  1. Thank you fellas! I appreciate the laughs and your tolerance of my ridiculousness. Make it a great one fellas and call Doozy.

  2. Welcome back to the gloom Mouse Trap, we were afraid you went into hibernation with the bears in Powhatan.
    Urkel merkins felt a little more Travolta-esque but the Q gets naming rights and Hardywood loves his 80’s pop culture. I don’t know how you could leave out the Cat Burglar planks in the list of new exercises created and coined by HW but that is a nice twist on the plankarama.

  3. This was the hardest decision I made all week. Yes, Travolta merkins were also in the running as were Barbarino Merkins. I’ll watch Battlefield Earth this weekend and meditate on it. Agreed on the Cat Burglar Planks.

  4. Dude, don’t change. Your ridiculousness makes me laugh out loud…really it sounds like schoolgirl giggles….but it’s appreciated. Great fun this morning. Cheers!

  5. Through all my belly laughing as I read this, I can only imagine the grins of such eloquence as you write this! Somehow, I managed to control my urges to read till now! Great to have your leadership this week! My kids recognize their ages in 6 month increments, so at 41-1/2, I expect another weekly tour! Oh, and your forgiven for the Radford comment, in case it was eating at you…

  6. Worth the drive Hardywood, Nancy K SSH was a new one for me, but will be using that one in the future. Great to see some F3 brothers that I have not seen in awhile. Great partnering with Peedy, Flange and Tobit. Cheers gents, see you in the gloom…CB

  7. People were looking at me as I read this post and audibly guffawed is several places. Hardywood, you are a gift to F3 and the world is a more blessed place because of you.

  8. Great use of the word guffaw but I think you meant to use the term “feortan in several places”. Thank you sinsei opus.