Meat Eating Geese

9 warriors rose to meet the dawn of a new day. Despite chilly temps being reported in other metro areas, it was 70 and sunny at The Forge. According to Jeff Gillooly and the IBS geese who frequent this AO, it went a little something like this.

Mosey to back of school while avoiding avian excrement deposits.

COP: SSH X 10, **Nancy Kerrigan X 20, DQ X 1, Flutter Kicks X 20, WWII X 20, **Hulk Hogan Merkins X 10, HRM X 10, Arm Circle X 1.

**Explained at end

Mosey to amphitheater area with some big steps, some little steps and bird turds abound.

HARDYWOOD STOUT ROCHAMBEAU: Pax gets into a circle and two warriors step to the middle for a battle royale game of rock, paper, scissors. The winner is determined by the first person to win 3 out of 5. While the warriors are saying “1, 2, 3, shoot” the pax are Side Straddle Hopping to that cadence. Once a winner is determined the pax do 3 burpees. 3 more are added for consecutive victories. Completed when all pax have participated. Roger Roger and Mr. Roper each won three rounds.

NOT YOUR MOMS MLM: The ultimate pyramid scheme has three exercises that are to be completed in the following amounts. 10, 20, 30, 20, 10 at specified stopping points. We ran up stairs, down some stairs and while trying to avoid geese feces (**This will be a GREAT F3 name if we get some one from Canada) Exercises are as follows:

• Merkins
• Jump Squats
• American Hammer

DORA: Partner up. One partner runs up the giant steps to the school. The other partner is completing exercises. Switch when running is done.

• 50 Polar Bears (Why let your feet have all the fun, let’s get your hands shitty too)
• 100 Dips
• 200 Flutter Kicks (2 count)

Mosey back to flag. 1 minute elbow plank

Numberama, namerama and Flange led us out.

NEWS:

TANK TOPS AND JORTS: You know what these have in common? They are both awful. It doesn’t make it ok if they sell them at Target. But you know what is a good idea…perhaps even a great idea. Aside from de-stigmatizing agalmatophilia, it’s buying an F3RVA shirt with your name on it. DTH has got this organized so you can get your very own customized F3RVA shirt. Also, Jorts is a phenomenal F3 name. You could probably get that on the back of your shirt if you want, you be you.

MATCHBOX PLENTY: Fun fact; Oyster was in an a capella group that covered Matchbox Twenty songs in college. They hit the university circuit but the long bus rides, bow ties and geriatric groupies just obliterated his soul. The next best thing to getting the band back together is the F3RVA Winter Tour of 2020 he has organized. So get out to some AOs you haven’t visited in a while, no instruments required. Unless it’s Manndate or Circus Maximus. You have to bring a kettle bell to those. If you forget to bring one and use a Shake Weight that just happened to be in your car because some one gave it to you as a White Elephant gag gift, they will tease you mercilessly. Fair warning.

F3 RVA SLACK CHANNEL: Our ginger mensch, Honey Do has set up an F3RVA Slack channel . Lots of activity here, so be sure to chime in. Channels include; how to talk to your kids about rollerblading and strategies for avoiding uncomfortable questions from your M such as;

• What do you think of these jeans?
• Can my mom live with us?
• Do you think of our new neighbor is cute?
• If you die, how long do I have to wait before I can date again?

MOLESKIN: The Nancy Kerrigan is one legged side straddle hops done in cadence and alternating legs after a count of ten has been reached. Hulk Hogan Merkins are a hand release merkin, followed by a three count ear cup with the right hand. Then hand release merkin, followed by a three count ear cup with the left hand. Do as many of these as you can with a straight face. YHC made it to 9. For those following along at home, an ear cup was the Hulk’s signature entrance move where he would circle his hand around his ear a few times and then cup it to get the crowd amped up.

Let’s address the elephant sized turd in the room, these geese have no shame and the most severe case of IBS ever witnessed. They are just crapping wherever they please. The only logical explanation that explains the sheer volume of fecal matter is that they are doing it out of spite. YHC has no idea what those geese are eating and I can only assume it’s mostly plants. If this is any indication of what being a vegan feels like, count me out. I like condescending people as much as the next guy, but I would like to keep my innards in tact.

Thanks for making this a fun week for me. You guys are the best.

Your pal,

Hardywood