Always 70 and Sunny
Always 70 and Sunny

The Gods Were Angry


Five of F3RVA’s armchair quarterbacks plus 5 more paid penance to the Fantasy Gods in remembrance of F3RVA’s inaugural season.


COP (In honor of the Playoff Teams)

  • Spit – Slaughter Starter – Burpees x 14 wins in route to championship
  • Goose – Flutter Kicks x 12
  • BT – Copperhead Squats x 11
  • Vedder – Helicopters x 6
  • Viral – Merkins x 8
  • EFH – Crabcakes x 8
  • Flatline – Nevermind

Beatdown of the Year: DK by 79 week 1 over Honeymoon – 79 LBCs OYO

The Good:  Spit, Goose, and BT won 11 or more games

  • 11s – Donkey Kicks & WWI Situps

The Bad: Southern Gentlemen (Wilson, Marmaduke, Vedder, Ocho, Sparky, Honeymoon, DK) 30-61 combined record

  • Modified Lindsay – 30/60 Merkins & Monkey Humpers (30/60, 40/50, 50/40, 60/30)

The Ugly: Marmaduke’s 1-12 record

  • Beast – Boxcutters, Burpees, Merkins – end after 3 rounds like Marmaduke’s season after week 3


Numberama, Nameorama, COT


The PAX felt no pain as the temps dipped slightly below 70, but the SOJ guys faces were plenty red as YHC regaled tales of the first season of F3RVA Fantasy Football and dished out the appropriate punishments.  At the draft, the New Market crew enjoyed samplings of Marmaduke’s fruity pebble moonshine while the Yankee Aggressors from NOJ focused on the task at hand.  As the season played out it was apparent that the Southern Gentleman had basically fartsacked on the season.  Only Vedder could manage enough wins to secure a playoff spot, one that Flatline would argue was his.  In the end, two teams stood above the rest with Goose kicking and scratching and turning over his entire roster 3 and a half times, taking on Spit who was the favorite from day one.  Spit rode his studs LeVeon and DeAndre to a Monday night comeback while breaking Goose’s heart in the 5th closest game of the entire season, 86.04-85.30.  Congrats Spit, a champion among champions.  The Fantasy Gods will remember those who paid the price this AM and those who fartsacked come next August, ahem Wilson.  Thanks to all who took part, looking forward to next year.  Apologies to the innocent bystanders caught up in today’s Q.


CSAUP – coming soon


About Author

When EF Hutton speaks, people listen.


  1. Thanks goodness Marmaduke’s season ended after week 3 because after the modified Lindsay (seems like we need a much more evil name for whatever the hell that was), I couldn’t take many more rounds of the beast today.

    Great job pax. Great Q EF.

  2. Thanks for the good, bad, and the ugly recap on the FF season, Nice q EFH…The beast was ugly, I too couldn’t have taken anymore!

  3. 2, I believe. Me and Rosie. Though, while I opted for some nice ski socks, Rosie when full leg-showing with ankle socks.

  4. Nice Q and recap, EF. I leaned on Kareem Hunt to dismantle Honeymoon in week 1…but I blame Kareem Hunt for those 30/60 things. Those crushed me this morning. Stupid AFC.

  5. EF, sorry to miss, and “nevermind”…I will have to pocket that one till later. I understand the rules of FF and yes, New Market was TERRIBLE. 8-5 and miss the playoffs!
    Two PAX SOP, nice but on the verge of imbalanced….
    Respect to all PAX members this am. Way to work!
    Loud and Proud—-Flatline

  6. I guess 2 fine young men posting in Shorts in 8 degree weather is unremarkable and unworthy of the BB.

  7. Sorry I couldn’t make the trip down south two days in a row fellas. It was back to work today so DaVille was calling my name. Lab Rat also had a Slaughter Starter which brought a smile to Spit’s face knowing what Hutton had planned.

    Great Season and I look forward to taking your money again next year!!

  8. Big Tennessee on

    Man, had I read the Google sheet I may have forgone the River Run and gotten back to my roots at No Toll! That was by far my best finish in FF. It’s a lot more fun when your team is decent. Thanks for putting it together, EF!

  9. Please apologize to the Fantasy Gods as Wilson was and still is sick, but I would argue there is some leniency with the data as the Commissioner appeared to manipulate the Fantasy Big Data (blamed Yahoo – conspiracy?) Comish got paid off? Prob a good thing Wilson was out as I would have likely provoked the Q to an even worse beat down! I think Splinter has some training videos on how to build and maintain Big Data! Be sure to enroll when the class opens up before next fantasy season! Looks like a brutal workout. Nice Job EF!