22 runners and a pit crew of 5 took a giant step forward to tackle this year’s 208 mile trek from Grayson Highlands VA to Asheville NC. With an abundance of accomplishments and stories too extensive to capture here, enclosed is a “brief” summary of what transpired over the event. YHC will leave it up to the PAX to weigh-in on any omissions, distortions of truth, or dispel any unfounded rumors regarding one’s ability to keep a van upright on a dark country road…
Acknowledgements and Accomplishments:
- A sincere and hearty thanks to Bleeder, Swirly, and TYA for your end-to-end arrangement of this year’s BRR. Logistics, equipment, and accommodations were outstanding. The PAX thanks you all for your extensive effort in pulling this together VA…it just gets better every year
- Thanks to all the runners who managed to exceed expectations. Elevation changes make this a beast of a race, and ALL participants truly crushed-it.
- Extended thanks to the drivers and logistics team: Viral (driving lead), Marmaduke, Loose Goose, Flipper (logistics), and Saab**. Viral was truly the lead driver and resident-concierge. Flipper prepared the house and made breakfast for the early arrivals and also put in overtime helping to heal hurt joints by bringing Holland Chiropractic to Asheville.
- Thanks to Wilson and Circle K who were on top of preparing a damn fine dinner for all the PAX Saturday evening. Despite being awake for 40 hours you guys were on top of it.
- Welcome and thanks to some Superior runners who stepped-in last minute to fill some open seats:
- Kevin (who shall be named): The guy who looked like a kid at Christmas both before and after each run – all of which he truly nailed.
- Ronaldo: The “Scotty” of RVA Graphics, who makes the Corporate vans the envy of other F3 regions.
- Swallow (birth name Sparrow): Formerly named Scissorhands (nevermore), who fully embraced his new handle with great humor and enthusiasm…our kind of PAX.
- This year’s race involved a head to head between two teams starting at 5:30 am. Team 1 (F3 Corporate LLC) finished in 30:50:46, while team 2 (F3 Corporate INC) completed the route in 31:43:30. For those history buffs, prior year times were as follows:
- 2016: 12 man team (32:55) and 9 man team (29:16)
- 2015: 12 man team (32:16)
It would be impossible to capture every that occurred over a 3-day event that involved travel to a quiet country inn in Southwestern VA, a relay consisting of 22 PAX spread across 4 vans, and a stay-over at a terrific mountain house to recover and celebrate. As such, enclosed in no particular order is just a brief list of observations, experiences, and (humorous) incidents…participating PAX are at license to supplement as needed.
- With a supply of Swedish Fish and pink frosting, one can make a confection depicting the female anatomy …who knew?
- On a similar subject, inflatable vulvas appear to be all the rage this year…although it took some effort to get them prepared for active use.
- Lost and Found: Viral discovered a black thong while cleaning out his van. Will the owning PAX please claim the lost article of clothing before Viral decides to keep it for himself.
- When staying in a rural hotel, it is best not to keep one’s door open while watching a ball game, lest it attract a violent and unstable meth-head by the name of Bully who will punch himself in the face repeatedly once asked to leave.
- Swirly does not like when playtime is over and has no patience for those retiring early. Swirly also likes his Bag Balm…Had we known it was his birthday we would have ordered him a gallon jar.
- On the subject of Bag Balm, one needs to be cautious when approaching the van or they may catch a full-frontal view of said-product being applied to one’s nether-region, or perhaps witness a PAX member urinating in a clear plastic bottle (one with a wide-mouth opening of course)
- Viral won the award for most attentive driver. After one PAX muttered his desire for coffee, Viral was at the local department store purchasing a high-dollar camp stove. Upon discovery by another PAX who did not want to subsidize such a purchase, he was promptly sent to the store’s return-desk.
- There are many other tales of Viral’s attentiveness to runners including offering massages. At one point it was questioned to what lengths he would go to assist others no matter how unpleasant…none of which can be repeated here. (Note: you can ask Honeydo to demonstrate…it will be worth it.)
- In the pre-dawn hours, when a passing female asks if she could “choke the chicken” that was crowing in the background, one should consult urban dictionary before responding.
- According to Circle K, you don’t need a GPS as long as you are heading either North or South, have Jalapeno Tostidos, and only TWO cold beers (36oz of course).
- Interactions with locals were varied, as Lug Nut reported a number of late night run-ins including a pack of hunting dogs, a man on a porch who yelled “go home”, and another who informed him that “planting his corn early” would be in his best interest. All the while Lug Nut maintained his cool and friendly demeanor.
- After an opposing van provided Lola first-aid during his run, someone briefly muttered that the team be subject to a 5 minute penalty. Viral, who is passionate about helping out, jumped up and began walking toward the race officials…he was quickly called-back.
- Rosie’s arsenal of leg rollers resembled marital aids that would make a female passer-by blush.
That concludes all the items YHC can recall or speak to first hand**. The remaining abbreviated list is for the PAX to comment and elaborate on as they so choose…
- TYA’s acumen for predicting finish times of each runner, yet somehow managing departure that was 45 minutes late. Screaming “Channel the Zebra” (cake)..Abacus. Gomer Pyle’s way with women. Circle K buying a used pillow from an antique store (because…why not). After Abacus demonstrates his elaborate method for removing a bottle cap, Offshore casually pointing out the beer is a twist-off. Keen identification of “Pace Cars” at legs 31 and 32 (Trophy chasing them down). Enough with the chocolate milk already! Flatline gets lost. Police cars flying through Bakersfield and nearly killing the runners.
**Alas, let’s not forget Saab running the van off the road and nearly rolling it down an embankment in the pre-dawn hours between legs one and two. Passengers did not realize how steep the embankment was until EF Hutton jumped out the side door and practically disappeared. Once all runners were loaded into a van full of ladies who had stopped to help (you’re welcome guys), Saab and TYA awaited assistance. When an F3 van from another region approached they inquired which city we were from, without hesitation Saab proudly stated “Charlotte!”. It was after that time our savior Charles Young appeared out of the mist. After instructing Saab to get in the van and be sure to buckle up (in case the van were to roll down the embankment), the van was pulled out of its precarious position…all the while TYA was smiling and filming the entire event. As Saab put the van in drive he turned to TYA and said “you were right…it was worth it”.
And so Saab has solidified his place in F3RVA lore and established a virtual guarantee he will never be asked to drive in a relay again (or let’s hope so).